This Learning Disability Week, we’re spotlighting a key topic of person-centred support: relationships and sexuality. At AFG, we support people across the North West with a learning disability to live full and independent lives, which includes supporting their emotional and romantic wellbeing.
Our Learning & Development team runs regular specialist training sessions for our frontline colleagues covering everything from LGBTQIA+ identity and the law, to consent, capacity, manipulation, abuse and more. It’s about giving our colleagues the knowledge, tools and confidence to support people to build and maintain sexual relationships. Its important to do this with dignity and respect, whilst helping them to understand risks.
We spoke to our Learning Partner, Paula Harrison, who facilitates these sessions, to answer some of the most common questions she gets asked.
Why is offering this training so important?
Every adult deserves the right to experience love, sex and connection – it’s a normal part of life. We provide a safe space for colleagues to open up, ask questions and gain confidence talking about topics that can sometimes feel awkward.
Although colleagues can be shy when they first join the session, the group often relax quickly once they start chatting. If someone feels uncomfortable, that is okay. We encourage colleagues to understand the importance of supporting people to form and maintain relationships. It’s incredibly important, regardless of who they are or what stage of life they are at.
How do you know if you might be overstepping a boundary when supporting someone?
There are some legalities around providing support around sex and relationships which are important to know – for example, if someone we are supporting would like to purchase an item or resource related to sex, you can support them to do this, but you cannot do it yourself – even if they have asked you to. It is of course very important that our frontline colleagues are aware of this distinction.
How do we know if someone with a learning disability can consent to a relationship?
The individual must have the capacity to consent to a relationship and intimacy. People with a learning disability can have capacity to make decisions about relationships and intimacy, but it depends on the individual and the decision. Some people may have capacity over their finances whereas others may not, for example. We will always follow the 5 principles of the mental capacity act 2005 We use the CURB method to determine capacity:
- C – Can they Communicate their decision (verbally, with pictures, sign language, etc.)?
- U – Can they Understand the information given to them?
- R – Can they Retain that information long enough to make a choice?
- B – Can they Balance the pros and cons and make an informed decision?
Some key things to know here are:
- We must always assume someone has capacity unless shown otherwise.
- Having capacity means people have the right to make unwise decisions, just like everyone does. We cannot make that decision for them.
- If someone doesn’t have capacity, but is showing interest or asking questions about sex, don’t ignore it – this could be a safeguarding concern. It’s our responsibility to explore why they are asking these questions and why.
What if families are unsure?
Families may worry about their loved one’s ability to make decisions around sex and relationships – it is natural for there to be some anxiety around this topic, especially if it’s never been explored before. It’s important to remind them that just because their family member needs support with aspects of their life, that does not mean they do not or should not have romantic feelings or form relationships. We use the BETTER model to help reassure and guide those conversations.
Bring – Bring up the topic or issue
Explain – that sexuality, relationships and sexual intercourse is a part of live and gives people a better quality of life (with consent)
Tell – the family if they are having concerns or worries, we can find the appropriate resource and meet with other professionals.
Time – give them time, this can be very upsetting for a family member. They may not be ready have the discussions. We could arrange to meet another day
Educate – assist the family with finding the right information, research, leaflets or other health professionals.
Record – record the information, this would need to be facts and not what you believe or think.
LGBTQIA+ and Learning Disabilities: The Missing Stats
Did you know that approximately 1.5 million people in the UK identify as LGB (lesbian, gay or bisexual)? That’s 3.2% of the population – a figure that has doubled over the past decade. This rise is likely due to growing openness and societal acceptance around sexuality.
How many of the % live in supported living?
The truth is, we don’t know. There is currently no official research on this – which is exactly why these conversations are so important. For some of the people we support, this may be the first time they’ve ever spoken about their sexuality or expressed an interest in forming a romantic relationship. That’s why it’s so powerful to see individuals attending their first-ever Pride events. These conversations can make a life-changing difference.
Top Tips for Talking About Sex and Relationships
- Be open. Don’t shy away from the topic – a supportive, non-judgmental chat can mean the world.
- Ask, don’t assume. Let the person lead the conversation where they want it to go.
- Support safely. Understand the legal and ethical boundaries and know when to ask for help.
- Celebrate identity. Everyone deserves to feel proud of who they are.
Everyone deserves to feel seen and heard and this is all about providing truly person-centred support, recognising the importance of emotions, relationships and identity.
